I still remembered the me during secondary school.I do not know whether I shall describe myself as kiasu or whatever.The school isn’t a place for me to study,it’s merely a place for me to socialize and make friends.I’m one of the noisy ones,always cracking up jokes.Whenever there isn’t a teacher in class,you would never fail to see me sitting with a group of girls behind,talking and laughing.In class,I’m only attentive in subjects which I feel worth listening to.If a crappy teacher teaches in front,I won’t bloody give a damn to what she’s saying.This is me.I choose my homework as well,only complete those which I feel is important,and others I just dump it aside.I may look like some loser girl who don’t give a damn about her future.When anyone sees me,they wouldn’t believe that I can study.Despite my attitude in class,I still managed to emerge as the first in the class.I’m not bragging or showing off here by praising myself.I know my abilities;I’m not borned a genius by nature.I do work hard for my achievements.I’ve always wanted to be the best.Eventhough I may look like I don’t really care about being the best,but deep down in me,being the best do matter to me.I’ve always wanted to score the highest marks.When I dont score the highest,I would always tell myself that I MUST do better the next round,and usually it works.
Most of my friends think that I’m like sooooooooooo smart and so on,but I seriously told them that I studied like shit for every exam.!No one sees how discplined I am when at home.I do not show my hardworking self in school,never ever.Eventhough it is like one day before examinations,I could stil continue doing my daily routine in school.I go to school to talk.Yeah,that is like so stupid,I know.
That was me when back in secondary school.The present me isn’t anything like that at all.*sigh*
OK I shall announce that my first semester results sucked.happy?!
Serious speaking,when WanSin told me my results,my reaction was like ………….”uh huh……..that’s pretty bad..”ANd nothing else.I do not feel any bit of sadness in me at all.No dissappoinment in me.I just feel sorry to my parents for letting them down because I know they expect more than this.Well,sorry to say,no matter what,this is my results and nothing can be changed.
After thinking and wondering and thinking again,I do not have any idea on why was my reaction like that.If compared to last time in secondary school,I would be in tears when I know my bad scores.I still remembered I only managed to score a mere 60-sumtg for my addmaths and the moment I got to know that,I broke into tears, trying hard to control it.BUt this time,I cannot believe that I’ve got no feelings at all.I just envy those who managed to score with flying colours.I think I’ve changed,for worse.I’ve definitely changed.I’ve got no aims in my life.All I wanted was to be able to earn big amount of $$$.That’s kind of stupid of me to think this way,I very well know that.But that’s all that is in my mind.I’ve lost the kiasu-ness in me.
Upon knowing my results,I did not inform my parents straight.I took a few days thinking how I should break the news to them.I did not tell them not because I was afraid they’d sound me or whatever,I just don’t know how to open my mouth and break them the bad news.However,after a few days passed,I took up all my courage and told them.
Reaction that I got was nothing that I’d imagined,perhaps maybe something better.Well,they did not show it to me,but I can feel it upon seeing their faces.I’ve made a promise that I will score a perfect one the next round no matter what.And I seriously mean what I say.Since last time,I really envy people who can play and score as well.I really admire those people,and I want to be one of those.People who studied 24/7 and score a 4-flat is no big deal.I mean,you studied so much,so you should get that kind of results.Nothing suprising though.
Well,today is already Thursday,meaning I still have 1 more day in my home and after that,I’m back to UTP.Many people has told me that they are not ready to return to that place,but all I can say is that we can do nothing about it,but to just endure a few more months of sufferings till the next semester break.
Time really flies and you won’t realise it.I was packing my stuffs and I came across my pile of notes,comprises of lectures,tutorials,test papers and many rough papers.At that moment then only I realised how time really flies.I still remembered we were known as the new students of July 2007 intake,and now we are returning to UTP with other newer students.LOL.
I hope and pray that Semester 2 would be a great one,unlike Semester 1.
Till then,
xoxo
